Here I Am

December 4, 2023
Seventeen-year-old Marcella “Celly” Boucher is tall, blonde, and fat, and just wants to survive senior year at Twain High School in Sun Valley, Nev., so she can start anew at college. All she has to do is endure the anti-fat bullying that’s followed her since grade school, navigate her gym-owning parents’ efforts to make her thinner, not ruin her secret friends-with-benefits relationship with star baseball player Lou Duncan, and avoid befriending cute newcomer Jason Daley. After an incident at school causes Celly to attempt suicide, she starts therapy and Jason introduces her to his foster mother’s gym, which is unlike any gym Celly has ever heard of. There, women of all body types embrace themselves through weightlifting. Celly soon begins training to join the gym’s deadlifting team and gradually learns how to see her body—and herself—in a new light. Via Celly’s acerbic wit and vulnerability, Grimes (Center of Gravity) presents a sincere portrait of one fat teenager’s experience, ruminates on society’s double standards surrounding body image, and portrays Celly and Jason’s blossoming romance with heart-aching sweetness. Main characters cue as white. Ages 13–up. Agent: Elizabeth Bennett, Transatlantic Literary.

Starred review from January 15, 2024
A friendless, bullied teen finds healing through weightlifting. At 6 feet tall and fat, Marcella Boucher is friendless and self-loathing. At school she faces constant, sometimes physical, torment, and at home, her gym-owning, ostensibly loving parents enforce dangerous calorie restrictions. She's been making out with popular boy Lou, but only in secret. In fact, Lou is dating Vivi, a popular, skinny cheerleader. Marcella is humiliated after she asks Lou out in public--he not only rejects her, but Vivi also adds her own scornful insults. Her distress is so great that she tries to hang herself, an event that's described in detail. After the aborted attempt, Marcella's father forces her to visit a "board certified therapist specializing in eating disorders and childhood obesity." Meanwhile, a surprising friendship with Jason, the new boy at school, leads Marcella to a women's weightlifting gym, where she gains self-confidence. Jason, who's in foster care, has struggles of his own. Marcella's emotional growth arc also follows her eating disorder therapy to address her binging. However, her suicide attempt (provoked by vicious bullying at school, enablement of that mistreatment by the administration, and abusive fat-shaming at home) is not adequately addressed in therapy, and it's seemingly not taken seriously enough by the adults around her, despite the livid bruises around her throat. All major characters appear to be white. A painfully real account of a teen's inhumane treatment, with mixed mental health representation. (mental health resources) (Fiction. 14-17)

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March 15, 2024
Grades 9-12 Marcella, aka Celly, has always been taller and bigger than her peers and has been plagued with the nicknames Moocella and Belly since early elementary school. She is involved with Lou, one of the most popular boys in school, but only on his terms: at her house and only when he contacts her. In spite of the rules, Celly publicly invites him to the upcoming reverse prom. It does not go well, and the resulting humiliation leads to a suicide attempt that lands her in therapy. She does befriend new student Jason, which leads to training as a weightlifter at the Hive, his mother's gym. There she meets women of all ages, shapes, and sizes, examples of how broad the definition of beauty and perfection can be. Her self-esteem blossoms to the point where she begins to ignore Lou's summons. Celly is fresh and funny, and her transformation is not without hiccups, but readers will cheer for her on her journey to finding herself.

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