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Title details for Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist by Margalis Fjelstad - Wait list

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist

How to End the Drama and Get on with Life

by Margalis Fjelstad
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People with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders have a serious mental illness that primarily affects their intimate, personal, and family relationships. Often they appear to be normally functioning at work and in public interactions, and Narcissists may even be highly effective, in the short term, in some work or social situations. However, in intimate relationships, they can be emotional, aggressive, demeaning, illogical, paranoid, accusing, and controlling—in the extreme. Their ability to function normally or pleasantly can suddenly change in an instant, like flipping a switch. These negative behaviors don't happen once in a while, they happen almost continuously in their intimate relationships and most often, and especially with their Caretaker family member.
Here, Margalis Fjelstad describes how people get into a Caretaker role with a Borderline or Narcissist, and how they can get out. Caretakers give up their sense of self to become who and what the Borderline or Narcissist needs them to be. This compromises the Caretaker's self-esteem, distorts their thinking processes, and locks them into a Victim-Persecutor-Rescuer pattern with the Borderline or Narcissist. The book looks at the underlying rules and expectations in these relationships and shows Caretaker's how to move themselves out of these rigid interactions and into a healthier, more productive, and positive lifestyle—with or without the Borderline/Narcissistic partner or family member. It describes how to get out of destructive interactions with the Borderline or Narcissist and how to take new, more effective actions to focus on personal wants, needs, and life goals while allowing the Borderline or Narcissist to take care of themselves. It presents a realistic, yet compassionate, attitude toward the self-destructive nature of these relationships, and gives real life examples of how individuals have let go of their Caretaker behaviors with creative and effective solutions.

  • Creators

  • Publisher

  • Release date

    February 7, 2013

  • Formats

    • Kindle Book

    • OverDrive Read

      • ISBN: 9781442220195

    • EPUB ebook

      • ISBN: 9781442220195
      • File size: 346 KB

  • Languages

    • English

  • Reviews

    • Library Journal

      March 15, 2013

      While the title of this book may confuse some, its contents demonstrate a solid understanding of dysfunctional relationships between borderline (BP) or narcissistic (NP) patients and their loved ones. Psychotherapist Fjelstad uses the word "caretaker" to identify partners and family members who enable typical BP/NP behavior at the expense of achieving their own goals and preserving their own sanity. The author begins with an excess of questions to assist caretakers in identifying destructive behaviors. As the text progresses, the writing becomes more fluid and accessible. Fjelstad outlines the pros and cons of staying with vs. leaving a BP/NP partner, and suggests therapy and self-coaching strategies to help caretakers regain confidence. The book includes case studies, though they focus on the negative and make little mention of the addictive, intoxicating lure of these relationships. Compatible with Paul Mason's Stop Walking on Eggshells, (2010) as an introduction to coping with BP/NP individuals. VERDICT Despite the cryptic title and occasionally awkward writing, Fjelstad delivers a thorough self-help guide for caretakers of BP/NP patients. Recommended for psychology collections.--Chrissy Spallone, Philadelphia Yearly Meeting Lib.

      Copyright 2013 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

Formats

  • Kindle Book
  • OverDrive Read
  • EPUB ebook

subjects

Languages

  • English

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