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The Emotional Affair

How to Recognize Emotional Infidelity and What to Do About It

ebook
1 of 1 copy available
1 of 1 copy available

The Emotional Affair is the only book on the market for couples seeking to cope with and recover from one partner's emotional affair. Although emotional affairs often do not include physical intimacy, they can take away from the relationship by encouraging one partner to get his or her emotional needs met elsewhere, and by bringing secrecy and deception into the relationship, which damages trust just as surely as if the partner had slept with the other person.

Emotional affairs share three characteristics:

  • Emotional intimacy. Transgressors share more of their inner self, frustrations and triumphs than with their spouses. They are on a slippery slope when they begin sharing the dissatisfaction with their marriage with a co-worker.
  • Secrecy and deception. They neglect to say, We meet every morning for coffee. Once the lying starts, the intimacy shifts farther away from the marriage.
  • Sexual chemistry. Even though the two may not act on the chemistry, there is at least an unacknowledged sexual attraction.

    Often, people whose partners have emotional affairs either don't feel like they have a right to put an end to it (after all, the other person is just a friend and not a lover), or they have to contend with the cheating person's evasions and justifications (we work together, we're not having an affair), and accusations that the jealousy or insecurity is not justified. It can be difficult to think of an emotional affair as a problem, even if it's causing the partner worry, jealousy, insecurity, and the loss of emotional connection to the cheating partner.

    This book helps the reader explore whether or not the partner is having an emotional affair and then offers steps to discovering the roots of the problem, making changes in the relationship, discussing the issue with the cheating partner, and recovering from the breach of trust and intimacy caused by the affair.

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      • Library Journal

        November 15, 2008
        Relationships are fraught with dangerous pitfalls, the most current being the "emotional affair," which the Internet has made a major temptation and a painful problem. Psychotherapists Ronald T. Potter-Efron ("Angry All the Time") and Patricia S. Potter-Efron define an emotional affair as "an intense, primarily emotional, nonsexual relationship that diminishes at least one person's emotional connection with his or her committed partner." They provide an excellent list of questions to help determine if your partner is involved in such an affair and discuss why these affairs take place, whose fault it is, and how to confront the partner having the affair. They also offer advice for the person having the affair on how to end it and move on. The Potter-Efrons emphasize the "five A's" of a relationshipattention, appreciation, acceptance, admiration, and affirmationand identify seven common problemsmutual anger and hostility, lack of emotional commitment, mutual distrust, emotional overdependence, continuing power battles, excessive focus on family or children, and oversensitivity to insult. Straightforward, well written, and full of good advice for couples facing this problem and those who may be drifting toward what could become an emotional affair, this is recommended for all public libraries.Mary E. Jones, Los Angeles P.L.

        Copyright 2008 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

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    Languages

    • English

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